5 Questions to Ask to Help Your Kids Make Wise Choices

Introduction

Wisdom isn't just knowing what's right but choosing what's right in the moment. Knowledge is being aware of the facts. Wisdom is knowing how to apply those facts to life. As parents, we can't make every decision for our kids, but we can equip them with a framework for making wise choices on their own.

Research from the Fuller Youth Institute shows that teens with strong decision-making frameworks are twice as likely to maintain their faith and values through young adulthood. The key? Teaching them to pause and ask the right questions before they act.

This simple concept can be a revolutionary idea for a teen: think BEFORE you act. In all my years in youth ministry, I have seen over and over again how this simple idea could have saved countless students from regret, pain and heartache.

These five questions will help your child develop the internal compass they need to navigate life's decisions—big and small.

Question 1: "What does God say about this?"

The Foundation of Wisdom

Proverbs 9:10 tells us, "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom." Before any other consideration, we need to anchor our decisions in biblical truth.

James 1:5 promises, "If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you."

And Psalm 119:105 reminds us, "Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light to my path."

How to use this question:

• Help your child identify relevant Scripture passages

• Discuss biblical principles that apply, even if there's no direct verse

• Model this in your own decision-making out loud

Parent Tip: Keep it practical. If your teen is deciding whether to go to a party, help them think through biblical principles about honoring parents, avoiding temptation, and choosing wise friends—not just "what would Jesus do?"

Deeper Insight: Charles Spurgeon once said, "A Bible that's falling apart usually belongs to someone who isn't." The goal isn't just to know what God says, but to have His Word so deeply embedded in our hearts that it becomes our first instinct. Your child will experience transformation when they learn to ask "What does God say?" before "What do I want?" or "What will my friends think?".

Question 2: "Who will this affect?"

Wisdom Considers Others

According to Pew Research, 81% of teens want to make a difference in the world, but many struggle to see how their daily choices impact others.

Philippians 2:3-4 instructs us, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others."

Romans 14:7 adds, "For none of us lives for ourselves alone, and none of us dies for ourselves alone."

And 1 Corinthians 10:24 challenges us: "No one should seek their own good, but the good of others."

How to use this question:

• Encourage your child to list everyone who might be affected

• Discuss both immediate and long-term consequences

• Help them see beyond themselves

Real-World Application: Whether it's a social media post, a friend group decision, or how they spend their money, every choice creates ripples. Wisdom sees the ripples before they happen.

Deeper Insight: John Donne famously wrote, "No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main." Our culture tells teens that their choices are "personal" and "nobody else's business." But biblical wisdom teaches that we're interconnected—our decisions always affect others.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer, who made the ultimate sacrifice for his convictions, said, "The test of the morality of a society is what it does for its children." When we teach our kids to ask "Who will this affect?" we're training them to think beyond themselves and consider their responsibility to their community, family, and future generations.

Question 3: "Would my future self thank me for doing this?"

Wisdom Thinks Long-Term

The teenage brain is still developing the ability to consider long-term consequences.

Proverbs 14:8 says, "The wisdom of the prudent is to give thought to their ways."

Galatians 6:7-8 warns, "Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life."

And Proverbs 22:3 adds, "The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty."

How to use this question:

• Help them visualize their future self (1 year, 5 years, 10 years from now)

• Discuss how today's choices build tomorrow's character

• Share your own experiences of choices you're grateful for (or regret)

The Science: Research shows that teens who can project into the future make better decisions about academics, relationships, and risk-taking behaviors.

Deeper Insight: Jim Elliot, missionary martyr, wrote in his journal, "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose." This question helps teens understand that short-term sacrifice often leads to long-term gain, while short-term pleasure can lead to long-term pain.

A.W. Tozer observed, "We are not diplomats but prophets, and our message is not a compromise but an ultimatum." When it comes to decision-making, we're not negotiating with our future…we're building it. Every choice is a brick in the foundation of who our kids will become.

Consider this: The decisions your teen makes today about their character, their purity, their work ethic, and their faith will echo into their marriage, their parenting, and their legacy. That's not pressure. That's purpose.

Question 4: "Am I running toward something good or away from something hard?"

Wisdom Examines Motives

Proverbs 4:23 says, "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it."

Jeremiah 17:9-10 reminds us, "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? I the Lord search the heart and examine the mind."

And Matthew 6:21 teaches, "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

How to use this question:

• Teach them to identify their emotions before deciding

• Discuss the difference between healthy and unhealthy motivations

• Help them recognize when they're making fear-based decisions

Parent Insight: Sometimes the "right" choice is made for the wrong reasons. A teen might choose to skip a party to avoid social anxiety rather than because it's unwise. This question helps them grow in self-awareness and integrity.

Deeper Insight: Blaise Pascal wrote, "The heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of." Our emotions are powerful, and they often drive our decisions more than logic does. Teaching kids to examine their motives is teaching them emotional and spiritual intelligence.

Oswald Chambers said, "The greatest competitor of devotion to Jesus is service for Him." Sometimes teens (and adults!) make "good" choices for the wrong reasons. Maybe for the purposes of looking spiritual, avoiding conflict, or earning approval. This question cuts through the performance and gets to the heart: Why am I really doing this?

The Puritan Thomas Brooks warned, "Satan promises the best, but pays with the worst; he promises honor and pays with disgrace; he promises pleasure and pays with pain." When kids learn to examine whether they're running toward God's best or away from discomfort, they develop the discernment to see through empty promises.

Question 5: "Who can I talk to about this?"

Wisdom Seeks Counsel

Proverbs 15:22 reminds us, "Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed."

Proverbs 11:14 adds, "For lack of guidance a nation falls, but victory is won through many advisers."

And Proverbs 12:15 warns, "The way of fools seems right to them, but the wise listen to advice."

How to use this question:

• Help them identify 3-5 trusted adults beyond you

• Normalize asking for advice as a sign of strength, not weakness

• Model this by sharing when you seek counsel

The Stats: Fuller Youth Institute research shows that teens with five or more adult mentors are twice as likely to maintain their faith after high school. Wise decision-making is learned in community.

Deeper Insight: C.S. Lewis wrote, "Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one.'" When teens learn to seek counsel, they discover they're not alone in their struggles, questions, and decisions.

John Wesley, founder of Methodism, practiced what he called "Christian conferencing"—the discipline of seeking input from trusted believers. He said, "Do all the good you can, by all the means you can, in all the ways you can, in all the places you can, at all the times you can, to all the people you can, as long as ever you can." Seeking counsel is one of those means.

Here's the reality: Our culture tells teens to "trust yourself" and "follow your heart." But Proverbs repeatedly warns that the fool trusts in himself. Wisdom knows its limits. Wisdom says, "I don't have all the answers, and that's okay, because I know people who can help me find them."

Putting It Into Practice

Start small. Use these questions during everyday decisions when discusing what to watch, how to respond to a text, whether to try out for a team. The more they practice in low-stakes situations, the more natural it becomes when the stakes are high.

Make it a conversation, not an interrogation. Ask these questions about your own decisions too. Let your kids see you thinking out loud.

Be patient. Wisdom is a skill that takes time to develop. Celebrate progress, not perfection.

Remember: you're not trying to create perfect kids. You're partnering with God to raise responsible adults.

© Engage Family Ministries | Helping families grow closer to God and each other

Bibliography

Scripture References

All Scripture quotations are from the New International Version (NIV) unless otherwise noted.

• Proverbs 9:10

• James 1:5

• Psalm 119:105

• Philippians 2:3-4

• Romans 14:7

• 1 Corinthians 10:24

• Proverbs 14:8

• Galatians 6:7-8

• Proverbs 22:3

• Proverbs 4:23

• Jeremiah 17:9-10

• Matthew 6:21

• Proverbs 15:22

• Proverbs 11:14

• Proverbs 12:15

Research & Statistics

Fuller Youth Institute

• Research on teen decision-making frameworks and faith retention

• Study on mentorship: teens with five or more adult mentors are twice as likely to maintain their faith after high school

• Fuller Youth Institute. "The Sticky Faith Research." Fuller Youth Institute, https://fulleryouthinstitute.org/stickyfaith

Pew Research Center

• Statistic: 81% of teens want to make a difference in the world

• Pew Research Center. "Teens, Social Media and Technology." Pew Research Center, https://www.pewresearch.org

General Adolescent Brain Development Research

• Research on teenage brain development and long-term consequence consideration

• National Institute of Mental Health. "The Teen Brain: 7 Things to Know." NIMH, https://www.nimh.nih.gov

Historical & Christian Authors

C.S. Lewis (1898-1963)

• Quote: "Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one.'"

• Lewis, C.S. The Abolition of Man. Oxford University Press, 1943.

• Lewis, C.S. The Four Loves. Harcourt Brace, 1960.

Charles Spurgeon (1834-1892)

• Quote: "A Bible that's falling apart usually belongs to someone who isn't."

• Spurgeon, Charles H. Morning and Evening: Daily Readings. Christian Focus Publications, 1994.

John Donne (1572-1631)

• Quote: "No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main."

• Donne, John. "Meditation XVII," Devotions Upon Emergent Occasions. 1624.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer (1906-1945)

• Quote: "The test of the morality of a society is what it does for its children."

• Bonhoeffer, Dietrich. Ethics. Edited by Eberhard Bethge, Touchstone, 1995.

Jim Elliot (1927-1956)

• Quote: "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose."

• Elliot, Elisabeth. Shadow of the Almighty: The Life and Testament of Jim Elliot. HarperOne, 1958.

A.W. Tozer (1897-1963)

• Quote: "We are not diplomats but prophets, and our message is not a compromise but an ultimatum."

• Tozer, A.W. The Knowledge of the Holy. HarperOne, 1961.

Blaise Pascal (1623-1662)

• Quote: "The heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of."

• Pascal, Blaise. Pensées. Translated by A.J. Krailsheimer, Penguin Classics, 1995.

Oswald Chambers (1874-1917)

• Quote: "The greatest competitor of devotion to Jesus is service for Him."

• Chambers, Oswald. My Utmost for His Highest. Discovery House, 1992.

Thomas Brooks (1608-1680)

• Quote: "Satan promises the best, but pays with the worst; he promises honor and pays with disgrace; he promises pleasure and pays with pain."

• Brooks, Thomas. Precious Remedies Against Satan's Devices. Banner of Truth Trust, 1968.

John Wesley (1703-1791)

• Quote: "Do all the good you can, by all the means you can, in all the ways you can, in all the places you can, at all the times you can, to all the people you can, as long as ever you can."

• Wesley, John. The Works of John Wesley. Baker Books, 1996.

Additional Resources

The Holy Bible, New International Version

• Zondervan, 2011.

This bibliography includes all sources cited or referenced in "5 Questions to Ask to Help Your Kids Make Wise Choices" by Engage Family Ministries.