The Bible Verses Behind Our Drywall

Series: 5 Steps That Move Your Family From Existing to Engaged — Post 1 of 5 (Direction)

We built our house almost ten years ago. Before the drywall went up, I remember standing inside the framed out walls, looking at studs that would eventually disappear behind insulation and paint. My four daughters wrote verses about God’s faithfulness and protection on the studs in their bedrooms. We wrote verses about inner beauty behind where their bathroom mirrors would hang. And above our entry door, before anyone could see it, we wrote Deuteronomy 6:4-9.

It felt like a declaration. This house is going to be a place where God is present and our family is connected.

Then we moved in.

The house was bigger than our previous one. My girls had shared bedrooms before. Now they each had their own room. My wife Sara and I were a little further down the hall from the kids than we used to be. On paper, it was an upgrade in every way.

What I didn’t anticipate was what the extra space would do to us, gradually. Nobody sat down and decided to drift apart. There was no moment where we looked at each other and said, let’s all go to our separate corners. It just kind of happened. Slowly. Quietly. Everyone had their own room, their own space, their own little world. And left to its own momentum, a family in a bigger house can become a collection of individuals who happen to share an address.

I’ve done youth and family ministry for almost thirty years. I’ve watched this pattern play out in family after family, and I’ve lived it in my own home. The goal of Engage Family Ministries has always been to help families engage with God and each other. But over the years I’ve realized that engagement doesn’t just happen. There are steps that lead there. And if you skip one of them, you don’t get to engagement.

This is the first one: direction.

Before anything else, there has to be direction. Specifically, you have to be moving toward each other.

I know that sounds obvious. But think about how many families are actually moving in opposite directions right now. Not because anyone is angry or checked out. Just because life runs at a pace that pulls everyone toward their own lane. We’re busy with work, school, sports, and clubs. Add screens on top of that and it gets worse. We’re all busy and moving, but we’re not necessarily moving toward each other.

A family that never gets to engagement usually doesn’t start with a dramatic falling apart. It starts with gradual drift. Different schedules, different interests, different rhythms and preferences. Before long, everyone is moving in directions that rarely intersect.

Direction is the first thing that has to change. And in a spiritual sense, this is repentance. It’s the turning. It’s the moment someone decides to move toward instead of away.

Here’s what that can look like this week, and I want to keep it small on purpose, because small is where this actually starts.

Pick one night and call it together night. It doesn’t have to be elaborate. It just has to be consistent. Eat at least one meal together today. It doesn’t have to be dinner. Breakfast counts, and honestly, breakfast is often easier to protect. And the next time you’re in the same room as your kid, put your phone face down. Not because they asked you to. Because you decided to.

I’ll be honest, I still catch myself checking a text at the dinner table more often than I’d like to admit. Direction isn’t a place you arrive at once and never think about again. It’s a decision you keep making, especially on the days it would be easier not to.

Those verses are still on the studs of our house. Hidden behind the drywall now, but there. That declaration we made before we ever moved in is still true. This house is going to be a place where God is present and our family is connected.

We just have to keep choosing it. And so do you. Not with a bigger house or a better schedule, but with a decision, made today, to move toward the people you love instead of away.

This is the first of five posts on the steps that move a family from existing to engaged. Next week, we’ll talk about why direction alone isn’t enough, and what actually happens when two people finally interact.